Weddings By Sandy

Archive for August, 2009

I have seen a lot of great guys take on the responsibility of best man and do an outstanding job. Mostly, I’ve seen some great guys do a mediocre job. Why is this? Well, I think it is because we want to choose our best friends to stand up with us, instead of thinking about what the responsibilities are and what is required of the person who will stand up with us. You see, the best man and the maid of honor should be selected to help us with things like fetching a glass of water, keeping guest away prior to the ceremony, helping you with whatever you need!
The other major thing is the best man and the maid of honor should be great at giving a toast. The best man and the maid of honor should be wonderful at keeping secrets, if necessary. They should do everything to ensure the bride and the groom is not included in any drama. The best man should ensure the rings and the license are on site the day of the wedding. The maid of honor should make sure the bride has everything she needs to relax and prepare for her special day.
The maid of honor should host the bridal shower and the best man should make sure the bachelor party is fun, safe and what the groom wants.
If these individuals are chosen to help the bride and groom, instead of just being best friends, I think weddings would be easier, more relaxed and definitely more fun!

So many times I hear the words, “We just want a simple ceremony.”, or “We just want a traditional ceremony.”   Long before I get the phone call from a couple, I have been working on that simple ceremony in ways they don’t realize.  First, there is the ability to be found.  Advertising, networking, building up and paying for my website, working on certifications, taking classes, learning about new rituals and ideas for ceremonies are all ways of improving my business and how I operate. 

Every wedding takes more than 15 minutes. Many times a call from a new client can take that long. How about the hours of research, preparation time, venue site reviews, referrals, state licensing, vendor meetings, client meetings, bridal shows, literature and  business card creations, thank you gifts, ministerial robes, mileage, PA system maintenance, professional association dues, just to name a few of the many considerations to take into account .

OK, so even a simple ”canned” wedding ceremony requires time to prepare, adding in the names of the bride and groom, printing it off, ensuring there is enough ink for the printer and paper.  Binding the printed copy for the ceremony is critical.  This keeps it together so it is easily used during the ceremony and so the bride and groom have a keepsake copy.  Then there is preparing myself, shower and time to dress and groom properly.  Pulling together any necessary items like my bridal emergency kit, the lapel microphone, sound system; travel time to the site or venue; gas and auto expenses, making sure I have my cell phone, ink pen and stamps and any special requirements.

When Officiating the ceremony, the words and names need to be pronounced properly, rituals conducted, discussing cues for music with the dj, proper placement of the bridal party with the coordinator and ensuring the photographer doesn’t block the view of the groom ensuring the ceremony goes off without a hitch. I need to help the bride and groom get through the ceremony, giving everyone cues as to when to do what, almost like a director or conductor.   Following the ceremony, accepting accolades from the audience, handing out business cards, gathering up any items that were left behind by the bride and groom, signing the license and mailing off the official copy to the state. 

That doesn’t even take into consideration experience, expertise, advice, patience, professionalism, adaptability, showmanship, flexibility and caring for myself, you know exercise, water, bathroom breaks, food, clothing and so forth.

If you add up all the real time, equipment and effort invested, you might find as I have that many small or office weddings are performed at about or below minimum wage.

Even with the ceremonies that are not custom made there is the issue of the delivery. I have seen Officiants who have no public speaking skills, no social skills and no writing skills.  As a public speaker and former professional vocalist, I know how to project my voice. I know how to instill feeling into my words. I have done a great deal of public speaking and feel very calm and confident in front of people.

Couples are not just paying for 15 minutes of time; they are paying for the highlight and focus of their wedding day.  So, please understand that when I ask you for payment, there is much more than 15 minutes involved…there are years of experience, education and personal sacrifice that go into your ceremony. 

If you want wedding day peace of mind, a ceremony that is unique, personalized and special, then consider hiring an officiant who cares about you and your ceremony and is willing to spend more than 15 minutes of their time to put it together. 

Most weddings start about 15 minutes late, this is usually to allow the last minute guests to arrive and find a seat. In today’s society it seems to be alright to arrive late, for me it seems to be a trend.  Recently a wedding ceremony was held up for one full hour waiting for guests to arrive even though the invitation clearly stated the start time, it caused me to be late to another wedding.  I don’t know why this trend is occurring, but I think it is more important to prevent this type of thing from happening to begin with.  So, what can a bride do to prevent her wedding from being held up by inconsiderate and late guests?

First of all evaluate the habits of your family and friends.  Are they usually late for most events?  Talk to your vendors, do they have the time to wait?  If so, is there an additional fee?  Once you figure out an appropriate time line; then send out your invitations with an adjusted start time that is earlier than the actual time.  For example:  If you want your  ceremony to start at 2:00 PM, then put 1:30 PM or earlier on your invitations to get people there on time.  This way, your day will be relaxed with plenty of time for you and your vendors…and those guests who still insist on being late…oh well!  You can’t control everything!