Weddings By Sandy

As a wedding officiant, I carry a basic wedding day emergency kit with me to each wedding.  My kit carries most of the items I have listed below.  But as a bride you can make your own emergency day kit that has your own stuff in it.  Being prepared can really help make your day less stressful and much more enjoyable.  Below is a list of things you might consider:   

For the Bride:
Brush or comb
Hair spray or extra hair product, pins, etc.
Dental floss
Extra panty hose (if you wear them)
Tissues
Mints
Compact mirror
Makeup essentials, such as blemish concealer, lip color, mascara, and foundation
Perfume or scented spray
Antacid and pain reliever
Hand lotion
A small sewing kit, which includes needles, thread, and safety pins.

A lint brush or you can add a roll of double sided tape, which can come in handy for quick hem fixes and other potential emergencies.
Stain remover
White chalk. If you get a spot or stain on your wedding dress, don’t panic. Dab it over with chalk to mask it. Also make sure to ask at the dress boutique or your seamstress what to do if you spill something on your dress. Should you get out the club soda or baby powder?
Deodorant. It’s a stressful day; smell your best.
Tampons or pads.
Wet wipes and/or stain removing wipes.
Cell phones and important phone numbers.
Healthy, energy-boosting snacks, such as fruit and granola bars.
Chocolate. Brides tend to get frazzled and stressed out on their wedding day.

For the groom stock:
Extra black socks
Brush or comb
Cologne
Corsage pins
Shirt buttons
Lint brush
Quick sewing kit with buttons, needles, safety pins, thread, and small scissors
Shoe polish
Breath mints
Deodorant

You can purchase pre-made wedding emergency kits, but it is just as easy, and much less expensive, to assemble your own.

What is the best ritual to include in your ceremony? Well, a lot depends on your personality as a couple.
Do you enjoy a lot of sentiment or are you more fun? Is your ceremony humorous or religious? Do you have children you would like to include? Maybe you’d like to include family members in your ceremony? There are a lot of factors to consider.
Choosing a ritual is as varied as the stars; you can choose whatever makes sense to your personality, theme, and situation.

Couples with children might choose a sand ceremony, as this is a wonderful way to include them in the ceremony and to represent the blending of the two families. One of the couples I worked with had eight children of various sizes and ages. During the ritual each child poured a bit of colored sand – prepared for them in small cups prior to the ceremony – into a large container; then the bride and groom followed up with their sand. When the pouring was completed, the glass container of sand created a beautiful bit of sand art. This wonderful piece of art is something the family can proudly display each day on their family mantel.
A more traditional couple may choose a candle lighting ceremony. This ritual, which typically involves the mothers of the bride and groom, is best completed indoors. It is always sad when the wind blows out the candle. Even if you cover the candles with a hurricane lantern, you can’t be sure they will stay lit. A candle lighting ceremony involves the use of 3 candles placed on a small table; sometimes a tea light is placed on the table to assist with the taper lighting. This tea light is lit prior to the start of the ceremony so that the moms don’t have to try to light the candle with a cigarette lighter or a match (much more elegant too!). As the moms walk in, before they take their seat, each lights a taper from the tea light, then places the taper into a candle holder. At an appropriate moment in the ceremony (usually after the vows and rings), the couple each takes a taper and lights a large pillar candle especially designed for this purpose. Usually this ritual is part of a Christian wedding where it represents the sealing of their vows and being united by God, or their marriage being blessed by God. In a non-Christian wedding it may represent the blending of two families or the sealing of their vows.

A non-traditional couple is all about trying something new and different. There are many rituals to choose from for the non-traditional couple; the hand fasting ritual is growing in popularity. This wonderful ritual is where the term “tying the knot” comes from. If you want to celebrate the sweetness of life, you can give each other chocolate kisses. You can give each other the first gift of marriage with a rose exchange.

If you are renewing your vows, maybe you can wash away the past and step forth into the future with a clean slate using a water ceremony.

Whatever ritual you choose, make it meaningful to you and your intended. Your wedding ceremony is something to be cherished and remembered. Adding something different or unique will make it memorable for you and will be something enjoyed by your guests too!

Getting married soon?  Have a small guest list?  Considering getting married in your back yard?  Unless you already have a picture perfect back yard, including a rain alternative, don’t do it!  It will cost you some bucks and time to get the junk out, get the grass to green-up, and create a ceremony and reception site that gives you the ambience you want.  Oh and décor and tents ARE expensive, so let me advise you to try one of these ideas instead. 

Couples often ask me about small venues where they can hold their wedding of less than 50 guests.  This is not an easy venue to find, as many venues require a minimum of 75-100 people.  As a result couples end up getting married in their back yard or that of a friend. 

When looking for a small venue, try a restaurant.  Look for restaurants with private dining rooms, outside court yards and lawns that can support the type of wedding you are envisioning.  Many have outside areas where a small ceremony site can be set up, and in case of in climate weather, the ceremony can easily be moved inside.   Restaurants can also take care of your wine and bar needs, table linens, your food choices and everything necessary to care for your guests in style.  Some of them will even provide flowers for the tables, a bakery they work with to get your cake and an in-house dj to cover the music.  If there is a park nearby, you can go there for photos.  You can even use the park for your ceremony and have your guests walk back to the restaurant.  Some of the smaller restaurants will shut down for the evening, if you can provide enough income to cover their typical night, pick their slowest night; you will make them happy and have a private venue!

Another idea is the Bed and Breakfast venues.  These small charming venues have so much of the ambiance and style that many couples are searching for but cannot afford at a big venue.  Besides being able to stay at the place, many B&B’s have great chefs that will jump at the chance to be creative with your food and drink choices.  Look for B&B’s with spacious lawns for the ceremony and reception and lovely gardens for your guests to wander through.  You may want to rent a tent, but you will be able to keep the décor to a minimum, because the view is so great, and that is a real money saver.  Chat with the owner to get ideas to complement and adorn your tables and for ideas for out of town guest to enjoy while there.   Owners of B&B’s typically understand weddings and will want to assist you with all of your wedding planning.

Another option is ask your wedding vendors.  Recently, I met with a networking group at a lovely floral business.  We all started wondering why they didn’t hold ceremonies and receptions at this location. Talk about getting your flowers fresh!  The place was lovely and boasted a brick area for receptions, a lovely field under some trees for the ceremony area, room enough for a tent to be set up to hold a sit down meal and provide coverage incase of rain.  Overall this place is perfect for small weddings of 50 people or less.  This vendor is now considering this idea. 

I always suggest parks, historic chapels, public places and last case scenario, of course your home for ceremonies that are small and intimate for weddings with fewer than 10 people.  I don’t think crowding out your home with too many people is a good idea. 

If you must use your home, keep it to best friends and immediate family. 

Dear Couples seeking an Officiant,

Every wedding has a budget, no matter the size or complexity of the event. It is normally wrapped around all the elements of the reception. However, I believe the ceremony is the most important part of the entire day, because this is the reason for the celebration!

I realize this is a very difficult and completely understandable discussion. While my rates will never be the highest or lowest of the choices available in our area, the care with which I treat my clients is “five-star.” I think you will find the person who writes your story as a collaborative effort and makes it a true interpretational feature of your day rather than a “point of entry” to the party, hover in the same price range as I do. Many are much higher. My fees reflect many things; the clothing I wear, time, meeting, writing and editing beforehand, rehearsals, pre-ceremony time, working and collaborating with your vendors, officiating, travel on the day of and follow-up for the license just to mention a few things.

Most of the ceremonies I book next year will be in the $400-$600 range. This isn’t greed, it is reality based on the time and care involved and a fee that will eventually allow me to do this wonderfully, fulfilling work full-time. This freedom contributes to the quality of both the finished ceremony and the process that leads up to it.

Availability is a crucial and important factor to what I do. April through November is the busiest time for anyone involved in weddings. During this time, I can’t negotiate my rates.

Usually, the difference between my pricing and an officiant who is going to do an “off the rack” ceremony is less than 200.00. I know this isn’t an insignificant amount of money, especially in light of the fact that my services are usually the lowest priced item in a wedding budget, but a ceremony prepared by me and my company will be a ceremony that your guests will remember and talk about afterwards, rather than a ceremony that accomplished the task at hand. It’s not that I won’t do a “canned ceremony,” it is that I care about the sentiment that comes with starting a new life together. I make sure that our work together results in a script that is truly unique, truly reflective of your personalities and your story, and gives your guests a gift of inspiration, of laughter, and of joy for you. Since I know you want the best officiant who can understand who you “really are” I know you will choose the one who can meet your goals.

I can’t wait to speak to you, Warmly, Sandy

Many couples get married in their church, temple or religious community and don’t get to choose who will say the words or what words will be said that make them a married couple. I think couples who can choose who will marry them are very lucky and should make this choice by consciously choosing someone they trust. When making this very important decision couples should keep a few things in mind.

Are you comfortable with your officiant?
A good personality match is important when you are choosing your officiant. I once had a woman tell me about her wedding day experience when her officiant yelled at the guests and started discussing his drug and alcohol rehabilitation during the ceremony instead of focusing on the prepared text! Make sure your officiant checks out. Get some references from Wedding Wire or other unsolicited websites that allow brides to write about their vendors.

Does your officiant have a great speaking voice?
Great speakers understand how to enunciate correctly and use their voice like a musician uses their instrument to make the words they say have impact. They can speak well, are not monotone and are delight to hear. An officiant with a great speaking voice will bring your guest along on your ceremony journey; using humor, being spontaneous and most likely more than one tear will be shed. Knowing how to use a microphone is just as important. Great officiants realize at times they may need to use a lapel microphone and understand why the use of a hand held microphone makes it difficult to handle the rings and do some of the other rituals effectively or even gracefully!

Does your officiant understand how weddings work?
Someone who is new to the wedding industry may not have the experience to provide the expertise and support a needy or nervous bride in the way she deserves, with care and understanding. Unfortunately only the experience of doing lots of different kinds of weddings can provide this education. Experience is something that is earned.

Does your officiant have lots of text and ideas for you to choose from?
Couples choosing an officiant outside of the religious arena can have anything from apples to zebras in their wedding ceremony. Humor and other ideas are easily incorporated into your ceremony. I personally have officiated Dr Seuss weddings, red-neck ceremonies and sports oriented ceremonies. Basically, anything goes! It is your wedding shouldn’t you get what you want and allow your “couple” personality shine through?!

So think about what you want in an officiant before you book yours. Personality, a great speaking voice, choices in the content of your ceremony, experience and expertise are very valuable and important pieces of the puzzle when choosing the person that says those important words; “I now pronounce you husband and wife!”