Weddings By Sandy

What is the best ritual to include in your ceremony? Well a lot depends on your personality as a couple do you enjoy a lot of sentiment or are you more fun; is your ceremony humorous or religious? There are a lot of factors to consider.
Many brides choose a sand ceremony because they have children and this is a wonderful way to include them in the ceremony. The sand is poured into two containers or more and then the children pour the sand into a bigger container, followed by the bride and the groom, creating a beautiful container of sand art.
Other brides prefer a more traditional route with a candle lighting ceremony, which really can only effectively be done inside. It is always sad when the wind blows out the candle, even with a hurricane lantern you cannot be sure it will stay lit.
What about trying something different, maybe a hand fasting ritual this where the term “tying the knot” comes from or giving each other chocolate kisses to symbolize the sweetness of life? Maybe you can wash away the past and step forth into the future with a clean slate, with a water ceremony.
Whatever ritual you choose, make it meaningful to you and your intended. Your wedding ceremony is something to be cherished and remembered.

I have officiated hundreds of weddings and I’ve noticed that the groom doesn’t get special music to come in the wedding site.  Why is that?  The mom’s get special music, the bridesmaids get special music and sometimes the ring bearer and flower girl will get special music.  Why not the groom?  Of course the bride always gets her special music. Although I have noticed thankfully it is not always Here comes the Bride!  Canon in D and even At Last are awesome for the bride, but again…what about the groom?  Isn’t it his special day too?  Shouldn’t his favorite song be played or at least something to signify a change and that he is going to be making an appearance? 

I hang out with the guys a lot, I always tell the groom, “I’ve got your back”…then he asks me when will I know when it is time to come out?  “So, do you have special music?”  Of course he doesn’t know!  So, I check in with the DJ.  As usual, he doesn’t! 

It is the groom’s special day and I really think he should have his special music too, even if it is selected by the bride! 

I have seen a lot of great guys take on the responsibility of best man and do an outstanding job. Mostly, I’ve seen some great guys do a mediocre job. Why is this? Well, I think it is because we want to choose our best friends to stand up with us, instead of thinking about what the responsibilities are and what is required of the person who will stand up with us. You see, the best man and the maid of honor should be selected to help us with things like fetching a glass of water, keeping guest away prior to the ceremony, helping you with whatever you need!
The other major thing is the best man and the maid of honor should be great at giving a toast. The best man and the maid of honor should be wonderful at keeping secrets, if necessary. They should do everything to ensure the bride and the groom is not included in any drama. The best man should ensure the rings and the license are on site the day of the wedding. The maid of honor should make sure the bride has everything she needs to relax and prepare for her special day.
The maid of honor should host the bridal shower and the best man should make sure the bachelor party is fun, safe and what the groom wants.
If these individuals are chosen to help the bride and groom, instead of just being best friends, I think weddings would be easier, more relaxed and definitely more fun!

So many times I hear the words, “We just want a simple ceremony.”, or “We just want a traditional ceremony.”   Long before I get the phone call from a couple, I have been working on that simple ceremony in ways they don’t realize.  First, there is the ability to be found.  Advertising, networking, building up and paying for my website, working on certifications, taking classes, learning about new rituals and ideas for ceremonies are all ways of improving my business and how I operate. 

Every wedding takes more than 15 minutes. Many times a call from a new client can take that long. How about the hours of research, preparation time, venue site reviews, referrals, state licensing, vendor meetings, client meetings, bridal shows, literature and  business card creations, thank you gifts, ministerial robes, mileage, PA system maintenance, professional association dues, just to name a few of the many considerations to take into account .

OK, so even a simple ”canned” wedding ceremony requires time to prepare, adding in the names of the bride and groom, printing it off, ensuring there is enough ink for the printer and paper.  Binding the printed copy for the ceremony is critical.  This keeps it together so it is easily used during the ceremony and so the bride and groom have a keepsake copy.  Then there is preparing myself, shower and time to dress and groom properly.  Pulling together any necessary items like my bridal emergency kit, the lapel microphone, sound system; travel time to the site or venue; gas and auto expenses, making sure I have my cell phone, ink pen and stamps and any special requirements.

When Officiating the ceremony, the words and names need to be pronounced properly, rituals conducted, discussing cues for music with the dj, proper placement of the bridal party with the coordinator and ensuring the photographer doesn’t block the view of the groom ensuring the ceremony goes off without a hitch. I need to help the bride and groom get through the ceremony, giving everyone cues as to when to do what, almost like a director or conductor.   Following the ceremony, accepting accolades from the audience, handing out business cards, gathering up any items that were left behind by the bride and groom, signing the license and mailing off the official copy to the state. 

That doesn’t even take into consideration experience, expertise, advice, patience, professionalism, adaptability, showmanship, flexibility and caring for myself, you know exercise, water, bathroom breaks, food, clothing and so forth.

If you add up all the real time, equipment and effort invested, you might find as I have that many small or office weddings are performed at about or below minimum wage.

Even with the ceremonies that are not custom made there is the issue of the delivery. I have seen Officiants who have no public speaking skills, no social skills and no writing skills.  As a public speaker and former professional vocalist, I know how to project my voice. I know how to instill feeling into my words. I have done a great deal of public speaking and feel very calm and confident in front of people.

Couples are not just paying for 15 minutes of time; they are paying for the highlight and focus of their wedding day.  So, please understand that when I ask you for payment, there is much more than 15 minutes involved…there are years of experience, education and personal sacrifice that go into your ceremony. 

If you want wedding day peace of mind, a ceremony that is unique, personalized and special, then consider hiring an officiant who cares about you and your ceremony and is willing to spend more than 15 minutes of their time to put it together. 

Most weddings start about 15 minutes late, this is usually to allow the last minute guests to arrive and find a seat. In today’s society it seems to be alright to arrive late, for me it seems to be a trend.  Recently a wedding ceremony was held up for one full hour waiting for guests to arrive even though the invitation clearly stated the start time, it caused me to be late to another wedding.  I don’t know why this trend is occurring, but I think it is more important to prevent this type of thing from happening to begin with.  So, what can a bride do to prevent her wedding from being held up by inconsiderate and late guests?

First of all evaluate the habits of your family and friends.  Are they usually late for most events?  Talk to your vendors, do they have the time to wait?  If so, is there an additional fee?  Once you figure out an appropriate time line; then send out your invitations with an adjusted start time that is earlier than the actual time.  For example:  If you want your  ceremony to start at 2:00 PM, then put 1:30 PM or earlier on your invitations to get people there on time.  This way, your day will be relaxed with plenty of time for you and your vendors…and those guests who still insist on being late…oh well!  You can’t control everything!

This is a message to all of my friends, family and the service personnel stationed all around the world. Happy 4th of July! Remember our freedom is not free. Each year hundreds of service members around the world sacrifice their lives to preserve the freedom we enjoy in this country. Although our lives are not perfect and many people are suffering because of the current economic situation. We have the freedom to choose what we want to do with our lives and with our own situation. So, while many of you are barbecuing, enjoying your family and watching the fireworks. Please raise your glass and salute our freedom.
I will be performing two wedding ceremonies this 4th. What a wonderful way to celebrate…our freedom to marry the person we choose to love.

Happy 4th of July!

Yesterday, I met with Carla David of Carla David Designs. She chatted with me about the keepsake ceremony that I give each client and how I can improve the quality of the paper and the look of the document I put together.

Why is this important and why should I care? For me this is very important. Giving the client something that they can keep, something they can save for a future vow renewal or just something they can look at on their anniversary is a highler level of service that I feel is important. 

Each client receives a special ceremony that is personalized and created just for them.  Even if you select something off my website, it is important to me that it still be special.  So if you are looking for something different, something unique…you can count on your ceremony to become a keepsake you can use later.

By the way, if you are looking for something unique and really special contact Carla David Designs, you will not be sorry, your invitations, table identification tags, programs and other paper pieces will be unforgetable!

To Contact Carla….visit her website or her Showroom.

www.carladaviddesign.com 

 301.300.5996 • 410.988.4630
8170 Maple Lawn Blvd., Suite 170
Fulton, Maryland 20759

This year I will be performing a ceremony in Pennsylvania. Maybe I will peform a ceremony in Texas too….Is this possible? Yes, my ordination allows this, but each state is different and each state has its own way of doing business. I will have to deal with this when I get to it. But in the mean time, I think it is important to understand the law.

Some states require witnesses. Some states, like Maryland don’t. Some states require witnessess to sign the marriage document. Some don’t. Some states require the officiant register at each county clerks office, some don’t. In a few days I’m going to Virginia to register, as I just found out I can officiate there. In December, I’m moving to San Antonio, TX, where I will also officiate ceremonies over the winter months. As I did in Pennsylvania and in Maryland, I contacted the state and the county offices to see what steps I needed to take. I will do the same in Virginia and in Texas.

Each state manages its civil ceremonies differently. So, I just need to pay attention and do the right thing.

Yesterday I had a client meeting and two weddings. In preparation for the two weddings I contacted the bride who had yet to send me her vows and I printed off the second wedding’s keepsake ceremony. In preparation for the client meeting I printed off the contact data form and contract. The bride who needed to send me her vows, finally contacted me, but I never received them from her so I had to print off her ceremony with out the vows.

When I attended my client meeting, the bride was so excited that she signed the contract immediately and said, “You are too popular, I have to book you!” I was stunned! Surprised! All could say was, “thank you!”

After the client meeting, I went to my first wedding. The bride was late, despite the fact that I made it clear I had another wedding (1.5 hours away). In my initial meeting I discuss being late, there is a late clause in my contract and I am always upfront with couples about what I have going on. They were not prepared for their ceremony, obviously not paying attention to what they selected and what I put together for them. I asked them if they rehearsed at all (since they didn’t want a rehearsal) they responded that “no they didn’t rehearse”, even though I sent them a rehearsal guide. I edited the ceremony as I read, so that it would at least make sense. The reader they selected to read COULDN’T READ! She stumbled over the simplest words (I felt embarrassed for her). The groom is going into the Marines in a few weeks and took everything in stride, the bride looked like she was a deer in headlights.

I try to meet with couples, especially couples who choose not to rehearse, about 2 weeks prior to their ceremony and I had done so with this couple. It gives all of us a chance to review the ceremony and to discuss the needs and the technical bits. Her two mothers, apologized over and over, but being late is so disrespectful.. Oh Well..obviously the bride just didn’t care that much.

I made it in time (the as promised time) to the second wedding. This wedding was exactly the opposite, because we had held a rehearsal the night prior, the couple was relaxed, prepared, and very emotional during the ceremony, both cried. It was a beautiful thing. Everything went as planned. Their reader was perfect. I went home and collapsed..I just don’t think I can do better than this.

I try being flexible, but flexible only goes so far..I am not going to be late to someone else’s wedding because one bride is disrespectful to everyone else by being late.

That was my day yesterday, how was your!

In my five years of officiating wedding ceremonies I have never dropped the rings.  Thank Goodness!  But recently, something happened that I have never experienced before.  A two year old pitched a fit just prior to coming down the aisle and during this little tantrum, he flicked his wrist and the ring pillow flew over my head and into the Chesapeake Bay!  Thankfully, this couple took my advice and did not put the rings on that flying pillow. 

My advice is to not trust a child with thousands of dollars of jewelry!  If you feel that you must put something on the pillow then put those fake gold or silver plastic rings on the pillow.  Give the rings to the matron of honor, the best man or the officiant, but don’t entrust them to someone who will turn that ring pillow into a soccer ball or foot ball or something worse, bay trash!